I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
