Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
