whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
