Soap is not a condiment
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
