the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
