i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Randomize
