my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
not ubering you a puppy
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
