remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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