My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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