Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
