i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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