There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
