Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
