my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
