do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
