Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
someone owes me an orgasm
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
