We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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