Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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