nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
True strength comes from lack of pants
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
