I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
