Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
