Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Randomize
