theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Less talking, more tequila
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
