I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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