she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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