Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
