After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
