I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
