Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
