You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
