Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
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