the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
