I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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