Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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