If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
