apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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