worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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