btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
