We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
40s are totally the cure
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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