Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
