I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
