you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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