My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
this hospital has no fireball
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize