A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Man, jail baloney is awful.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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