I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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