I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
