your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
