I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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