So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I believe in your delicious
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
