My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize
