bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
