I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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