Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
