Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
