Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
cat food counts as protein by the way
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Randomize
