Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
did i just pee glitter
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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