last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
