I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
