I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
