Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
