if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
