eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize