Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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