I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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