was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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