He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
