just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
