I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
